Do you feel anxious about contradicting your boss?

Do you feel anxious about contradicting your boss?

Perhaps you disagree with their approach or think they’ve come to the wrong conclusion. Perhaps you have a new idea or think it would be useful to take a different perspective.

We’ve all been there and it can be really tough, because your brain DOES NOT want you to speak up. Contradicting the person who pays your salary seems VERY dangerous to your primal brain. It’s main job is to keep you safe and so it will send a stream of anxiety-inducing thoughts your way…

“What if I’m wrong or my idea is stupid? … what if she’s annoyed with me? …it’s not my place… I don’t want to be disrespectful… it’s easier for me to keep quiet…”

Those thoughts release a hormone cocktail to make you feel awful and stop you in your tracks. Very effective. Thanks brain.

We could unpack and challenge all of those thoughts (and you should…) but in the meantime, here’s a quick hack that I use with my clients. When you notice your brain telling you that speaking-up is a TERRIBLE idea, ask yourself this question:

“Is it the right choice for the business for me to speak-up?”

If the answer is yes. Speak-up. Always.

Your brain wants to make it about YOU and how personally dangerous the situation is for YOU. It thinks that there is a survival issue going on here. There’s not. Even if all of your thoughts above were true, the situation would still not be a survival threat.

Bringing it back to a pure business question takes the personal narrative off the table.

Also, in my experience, making decisions on that basis is usually the best long-term approach for your working relationships and career. Whether you’re right or wrong, listened to or not, at least you’ll be known as someone who has a voice, who contributes, who can be trusted to speak-up even when that’s hard.  

The truth is, I have no idea how your boss will react. But I do know this, if everything you do (or don’t do) at work is driven by an attempt to mind-read, manipulate or avoid someone else’s feelings or reactions, you’re in for a tough emotional roller-coaster ride.

Much better to decide how you want to show-up, make the best decisions you can for the business and let other people think and feel what they will.  

A bit of anxiety sometimes just comes along for the ride. And that’s ok.

If you want to unpack a particular situation at work with me, you can click THIS LINK to apply for a free Discovery Call. We’ll explore the situation together and I’ll give you some real-time help.